5 Essential Tips for a Healthier Relationship with Social Media

We’ve all been there. During a much-needed work break, you open Instagram on your phone. Smiling back at you is a childhood friend, looking blissfully happy on vacation in the Greek islands. You like the post even as a subtle wave of jealousy washes over you.

Or maybe you’re unemployed, wondering how you’ll pay next month’s mortgage, when LinkedIn tells you that an ex-colleague—one that you found none too capable—has just landed their dream job.

Social media presents itself as a tool for human connection, but for many of us, it’s also an engine of self-doubt.

Consciously, we know that people disproportionately post about the high points of their lives and tend to leave out the mundane aspects of their daily grind. Nevertheless, it’s hard not to feel jealous as your feed endlessly refreshes with other people’s happy pictures and thrilling news.

The research is clear: too much social media is bad for mental health. Social media encourages social comparison on a scale that humanity has never experienced, and psychologists have long agreed that this dynamic is deeply troubling. U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy recently called for warning labels on social media platforms, and across the globe, researchers like my colleague Jonathan Haidt are calling for childhood to be reclaimed from screens.  

Frequent users experience a myriad of problems, including increased feelings of sadness, isolation, and envy, and a decrease in overall wellbeing. What’s more, these platforms are addictive, meaning that the issues they cause quickly become self-perpetuating.

Whether we’re feeling inferior to a high-achieving friend or superior to one who is struggling, the drive to compare damages our relationships and skews our values. 

The message we get from social media is one of competition and self-scarcity. 

Does this mean we must all delete our accounts? Not necessarily, though limiting your daily dose of new media networking probably wouldn’t hurt. Here are five ways you can forge a healthier relationship with social media starting right now: 

1. Reconnect with your values. Before you log on today, consider precisely what it is you enjoy on social media and lean into that. If it’s exchanging messages with a friend who lives far away, ask yourself if it would be better to call them instead. 
2. Pinpoint the accounts and features that feel worthwhile to you and limit your internet time to these areas (this can still include social media, as long as you’re intentionally choosing it). Treat your attention as the precious commodity it is, and resist the urge to linger and scroll.
3. Remind yourself that you are you: while we can all learn from others, your values and goals are worthy simply by being yours. They are not relative to the on-screen “success” of another person. 
4. When you’re with others, put your phone down. You can even create “phone-free zones” (or times) in your house, if that feels right for you. (In our house, we’ve long kept bedrooms and the dinner table as phone-free zones.) Studies show that a phone in your hand impacts the quality of your interactions (regardless of whether it is being used or not).
5. If you’re a parent, consider what role you’d like social media to play in your children’s lives. When does it feel appropriate for your child to have a smartphone? What about social media? If helpful, you could begin the conversation by discussing Jonathan Haidt’s 4 new norms with your family.  

Social media and phone use are outpacing us, and we need to be proactive in asking why, if, when and how we want this technology in our lives. With a little thoughtfulness, social media can start to live up to its billing, bringing people together rather than pushing them apart.