Face Your Fears: Transforming Challenge Into Opportunities for Growth

The world is full of uncomfortable conversations, cultural narratives that don’t serve us, difficult experiences, and obstacles we need to overcome. None of us has the power to do away with things we don’t like, nor can we tailor our lives to avoid them all together. 

And while there are times when the best option is to set boundaries in order to protect our wellbeing, there are other times when the exact opposite is true.

Sometimes–indeed often–the best path we can take toward wholehearted lives and healthy relationships is to do the anxiety-inducing work of approaching tough situations.

For example, you may be dreading having that performance review conversation with an employee who has been struggling. But how will they ever improve if they don’t understand what isn’t working?? Or maybe you avoid tackling your finances every month, but would actually experience significant relief if you had clarity upfront rather than stressing after the fact. 

Let’s explore an analogy here. Imagine that you’re afraid of flying. You burn extra vacation days to drive to your cousin’s wedding 600 miles away and your kids only see their grandmother once a year due to the lengthy road trip involved. You’re using avoidance to cope with your fear, which is a tried and true way to provide relief…at least, for now. But a more sustainable solution is clear: working through your fear of flying would be beneficial for both you and your family. 

While you may not be able to cure whatever you fear overnight, you can begin to take small steps in the direction of addressing it. If you’re trying to heal some avoidant tendencies, here are three places to start:

• Consider whether you’d be willing to move toward that space of avoidance, and, if so, what that might look like. Perhaps you start by taking a really short flight to see how it feels. Or, if you’re worried about an upcoming difficult conversation, maybe you write down a few of your thoughts beforehand to help yourself feel more level headed and prepared. 
• Ask yourself if there is a specific approach you can take that will ease your fears. For example, if you’re struggling to do your finances on time, maybe you schedule a specific calendar date with yourself each month far in advance of any bills being due. 
• Be compassionate with yourself. Change doesn’t happen all at once, and allowing yourself to move at your own pace without judgment is one of the most effective ways to support your own growth. 

Opportunities for widening our perspective are all around us, and our capacity for growth is often much bigger than we think. And of course, certain areas of our lives may be better left untouched, such as challenging moments or relationships that we have decided we’re better off without. These are choices that only you can make from a place of personal intention and values, but there’s always room for critical thought and growth. Here’s one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves:

Is my behavior serving me? Is this preventing me from being the best version of myself, or is it supporting that version of me?

You can revisit these questions time and time again, because your answers may vary depending on your time of life or the circumstances. The important thing is to see yourself as capable of change and to trust that you will know when change is necessary for you. Because the only certainty in life is uncertainty, and agility is essential in a changing world.