Do you ever feel like you’re drifting through life like a leaf on the wind? Most of us have felt this way at some point. Every day, the world presses us to make decisions that aren’t our own.
Perhaps we see our friends splurging on pricey ski vacations and feel compelled to keep up. Maybe we watch our colleagues stay late at work and believe we should do the same. But operating on autopilot and allowing society’s gusts and breezes to dictate our actions can result in landing far from where we intended. Suddenly, we look back to see that we’ve spent the last five, fifteen, or even fifty years chasing dreams that never belonged to us.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Instead, you can choose to walk your why.
Walking your why is the process of moving toward your values.
The term “values” can seem abstract, but it’s actually just about identifying what matters most to you. Is it career success? Creativity? Close relationships? Honesty? Adventure?
Values actually aren’t theoretical—they are something you can use to orient yourself toward the life you want to live, one step at a time.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
- Deep down, what matters to me?
- Which relationships do I want to build?
- What do I want my life to be about?
- What kinds of situations make me feel most vital?
- If a miracle occurred and all the stress in my life were gone, what would my life look like? What new things would I pursue?
There are no right or wrong answers. In fact, the point is to stop worrying about how others might answer these questions, and instead focus on what you feel.
Once you’ve identified your values, you can start to look for choice points: forks in the road that give you an opportunity to walk your why.
If you’ve realized that you value personal intimacy, perhaps you’ll ask your partner to have dinner at the kitchen table tonight instead of in front of the TV. If you value collaboration, then maybe you’ll bring your team together to solve a problem at work this week.
Values are not peripheral to our lives—they are essential aspects of who we are that we can weave into the fabric of our lives to carry us in the direction we want to go.
Susan David
Susan David, Ph.D. is one of the world’s leading management thinkers and an award-winning Harvard Medical School psychologist. Her TED Talk on the topic of emotional agility has been seen by more than 10 million people. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal and often appears on national radio and television. Learn more.
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